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02 settembre Never say never, huh? Well...think againLet's face it. Not all of us remain calm and assertive on weekends as this long one might prove. Many of us with the coming of age (or for most of us who are already of age) have jobs to attend to, important events to experience, university/college projects to work on, exam preparations to blow our brains for, people to meet, errands to run, families to raise, relationships to work on, major dilemmas to sort through on our own two feet. Not all of us are capable of taking some time out of our chaotic schedules to kick back at home and pamper ourselves with a little TLC even though well deserved. Keeping our cool is not always easy...(well OBVIOUSLY!!). On the other hand what is easy is mouth rolling some negative thoughts with.."Ooh I can't...", "I would never be able to..." or "So and so can do this a whole lot better than me". Would you quit labeling yourself self-esteem deprived already? STOP IT! Even I'm getting so exhausted just thinking about it that what this calls for is a long, relaxing vacation  ...mhmmmmm...that's what I'm talking about baby. Just me and my luggage away from you.  LOL...Or if that fails miserably you can order me a nice, tall martini please. Yup, that should do the trick.  K, I'll be totally serious for a moment now. Remember when I said in my 2nd blog that if one chooses to complain about something that he/she must always look at those less fortunate than them and have a constant belief in themselves? Well now I'm telling you to use that message to block all those ugly thoughts you have traveling your way. If that doesn't help, here's a little list I compiled of the top ten NEVERS I think are useful to live by on a day-to-day basis. Please, add on your own "NEVER" to this list. Teach me and many others a new thing or two. And question: who said it was a NEVER to say NEVER, huh? I don't know about you, but it sure works for me.  1. NEVER look at the mistakes you've made as regrets. Instead, use those experiences as tools to help you become a person to be proud of. 2. NEVER perceive losses as failures but the push to success. 3. NEVER underestimate your power, potential and positive attributes. Everyone has the capability to rise above if they know what their strengths are and what ways they can improve it. 4. NEVER hide yourself in a closet because you'd rather save yourself the embarrassment of people finding out the "dark truth" about the real you. It's much better to face it head-on so that you grow up to understand that life is not all about preserving a pretend perfect image to the world. I mean think about it. If you're mopping about with trivial thoughts floating in mind, can't you see how that puts an emphasis on the word ME? Rather than swapping your depressed state with a vibrant one, how are people ever to positively reflect off your behaviour? Yeah, that's right. THEY WON'T. So stop being selfish and realize there's a bigger reality out there than yours. Start thinking of ways you can improve society by doing what you do best. In good time, you will begin to see others around you developing a brighter perception of how you know deep down inside you CAN be. 5. NEVER let something that first seems insanely difficult, new or drastic defeat you. ALWAYS be glad to rise to the occasion for you never know where it may take you someday. If you give it your all and you still weren't able to master it, at least you can proudly say you still came out with a winner's attitude. 6. NEVER lash out towards those who have supported you through everything even though you may be feeling 100% disposable. It just makes you look worse than who you are striving to one day be. 7. NEVER change anything about yourself if it's something that will FOREVER be a part of you or is already positive (e.g.- height, b-day, genetics, giving spirit, successful athlete, etc.) These things are a waste of time to fight over so rather than erase these qualities permanently, learn to embrace them by doing whatever it takes to repair your distorted perception. And if you must change something about yourself, as in a negative attribute, than figure out what steps you would need to initiate in order to make that happen for yourself. 8. NEVER let others bring you down. Don't allow them to tell you you're impossible, incapable, unworthy or unintelligent. By doing so, you only stoop down to their levels by placing yourself in the sewer they feel themselves in. 9. NEVER let an opportunity pass you by. You don't want to be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of something that you find out years later you could have done successfully. 10. NEVER dismiss being true to you. Do what makes you feel right and not what makes you feel accepted. Respect from others ONLY develops after respect for yourself evolves. 25 luglio Contaminated courtesy and robbed respect: how giving in to certain others could mean giving up on what's most important- YOURSELFLife is tough.
 Alright, alright I'll admit. That does sound like a simple way of putting a complex matter and rather cliche, but I find it to be especially true when it comes to interacting effectively with people in our day-to-day lives. At the same time no one wants to intentionally hurt and/or offend anyone, no one wants to fall victim to being belittled by not speaking up about how they really feel towards the situation either. And if you're anything at all like me, you may find that being a half-eager people pleaser is an exhausting job that'll require you tip-toeing around people WAY too often. Sometimes it'll even have you lying by omission (or only revealing part of the truth) just to keep everybody happy or at bay(which you may think is being nice, but in the long run means exactly the opposite). So how to strike the balance between being a kind-hearted, honest individual who would much rather avoid hurting/upsetting people while not allowing others to burn a cigarette hole right through your soul you may ask? Well the sad reality is no matter how sweet or giving you may tend to be, there will ALWAYS be someone who will gladly rise to the occasion of seeing you fall flat on your face or who will take advantage you in every slightest, possible way just to gain what he/she wants from you. So yes, we can't please everyone. Haters are out there whether we like it or not. But what we can do is know enough about ourselves to realize that we're not the problem here. The person on the other end obviously has some issues to work through before we can settle our differences with them. We can't be constantly be worried about how we are being perceived by people who flagrantly disregard our feelings like they would a piece of chewing gum they spit out the moment it suddenly diminishes in all its flavour. If we do, we're being very unfair to ourselves in the long run by letting such people dictate our emotions (obviously without giving much thought as to what negative affect these people's actions or words have on us). So now there has got to be a way to still maintain a sweetness about you without letting others destruct who you really are and what you stand for. The question that remains is how???
Well what it all narrows down to is a matter of making excellent judgement calls. When those instincts of ours are telling us something, I strongly believe we should follow them. Our inner voices are such a powerful tool that must not be ignored! Rather, they should be explored as much as possible in order to make some right decisions for ourselves. Especially when we need it most. More specifically, when we sense someone's good vibes are bringing us luck we should embrace and fully credit that for all it's worth. Cause not everyone out there has alternative motives for establishing some sort of connection with us. There are many beautiful people out there who are very deserving of having our trust, kindness and generosity reciprocated in similar ways they have shown those forms of affection towards us. On the other extreme, if we're sensing something is not quite adding up with someone, chances are we're right. Therefore, we should learn to trust our instincts in instances like these rather than make mistakes that can easily be avoided (of course, that's not to say we shouldn't make mistakes in order to learn from them. That can prove to be a huge lesson as well.). All I'm saying is that it's important to learn to distinguish when it is appropriate to cut certain people slack and when it is essential to crank down our tendency of being just "too nice".
I'd also like to point out that when a person is in his/her initial stages of connecting with another human being (AKA, a "stranger"), I think it's very important they set realistic expectations about who they are in the process of getting to know. At the same time you don't want to be close-minded that this person will disappoint you like many people before, you also don't want to be blind sided by the positive qualities you are so desperate to see in that other person. So to some extent we should ALWAYS proceed with a little caution. I know what you're thinking..."gosh, Morgan was doing so well on this whole positive talk thing until she came to this part. This seems a little...what's the word? Paranoid?" Haha, not at all. We must not mistake the term "cautious" for "paranoia". It's wise. If we didn't take some of the right precautions in the beginning, we could wind up in a lot of big time messes that we'll regret deeply and come to discover were easily preventable later on .
After just writing the above paragraph, I now find myself looking back on a conversation I was having with an old friend last Thursday. Somehow as we were driving
 out of one of the busy parking areas outside the Race City race track (after the Van Warp Tour officially came to an end) that same word came up. My resilience to join my friend in his moshing craze earlier that day had him a little disappointed, as I could tell in his voice when he mentioned I didn't try out this new experience. I replied in a humorous tone by saying, "Yah, I know. You probably think I'm a worrywart." To which he replied, "Sometimes." Which is cool. I can understand why he'd perceive me to be that way. After all, I admit I take a lot less risks than people my age. But then the conversation slightly shifted gears into something more interesting when he started explaining how reserved people tend to make less mistakes and are pessimistic towards many different aspects in life. At that moment, I could tell that got him thinking about his comment about me. "Are you a pessimist?" he asked. To be honest, I was kinda shocked he asked that so instead of replying right away I laughed. "Well I try to be optimistic about things most of the time," I said. I know what you're thinking. Soooo??? Where's the point of this story so far? Just be patient. I'm getting there.  Anyway, that was a decent response but did I stop right there?? Noooooo...I rambled a bit of course. In turn, I regrettably admitted I was a pessimist which now thinking back is so far from the truth. What I should have said was that I rely on my intuition as my main source. I think what had me falsely say I was a pessimist was the fact that I've been burned by so many people in the past, I tend to feed off those past experiences as a learning mechanism for the present and the future. In some ways it's not healthy as I tend to overanalyze situations such as these, but at the same time I find it helps me weed the "bad ones" out. So I wouldn't necessarily throw away my cautious side entirely. For the most part it works for me. I actually think that can be a bonus on my part. Example: Had I not used my cautious side to predetermine going inside a mosh pit wasn't the brightest idea for myself, who knows if I would have made it out there alive. At my tiny stature I probably would have gotten squished not to mention fondled a few times. YUCK!!  So in a way the "cautious side" is actually the "intellectual side" if a person is willing to see it in that light. However, I would still like to see myself letting go of some cautiousness so that I don't limit the vast amount of opportunities and experiences that are out there for me to explore.Having said all that, it does personally frustrate me (GRRRRRRRR...
 ) that my naturally sweet, generous, friendly and forgivable self has been perceived by MANY people as something they can easily take advantage of. While these qualities seem complimentary to the beautiful spirit I hope to promote for myself, I have often let these qualities give too many undeserving people the benefit of the doubt it's not even funny. At the same time I know I definitely didn't deserve to be subjected to their mistreatment and different forms of deception, I can't blame anyone but myself for allowing them to dictate my emotions in such a way. By repeatedly giving into their excuses in excess, I unintentionally sent them each a message that suggested I was both naive  and vulnerable (which I know I definitely am not). I'm the kind of woman who knows exactly who she is and where she is going in terms of her values, beliefs, morals, goals and everything else in between. Once I make up my mind about a particular something or somebody there's no stopping me (yes, I'm pretty strong-willed that way). And the good thing about me in situations like these is that once I get the confirmation I need from people that fit these descriptions, I sever all connections with them to ensure they don't inflict more harm on me than they already have. However, the bad thing is I let everything that builds up to that point of confirmation drag out longer than sometimes necessary (mainly because I try so hard to remain positive and open-minded about these people I have accepted as part of my life). But now I realize that that was probably me being in denial. However, I do thank myself for never letting things escalate to a point where I was put in a compromising situation or had anything scar me for the rest of my life.This happens to be very hard issue for a young person like myself to reevaluate as I constantly try to see the good side of people (the side that inspires you, educates you and makes you laugh). I NEVER like to start off any form of contact or relationship with another human being with so many negative emotions going in as I feel this can predetermine a rocky road for yourself ahead. I've always been a strong believer of giving people second chances (whether they earn it or not) cause I know as much as you and everyone else that ALL people have a tendency to make mistakes and that perfection is simply fictionalized. What makes this even more difficult is that I don't like to see anyone hurt or offended by what I truthfully tell them. As much as this may seem like reasonable logic and to some extent it holds true, this part is obviously not working for me. So you know what, I've decided to change this ONE particular aspect about myself when it comes to my social interaction with others (just by following the advice I had given in the first few paragraphs). It's time for not just me, but all us people pleasers to realize that we can't save the world by hoping our magical touch of kindness will cure certain people of all evil. There are just some issues that are too major for us to resolve in one day and sometimes to be safe, it's just best to leave it be. As much as I hate to say this, there are just some people out there who leave you with no other option but to ignore giving them a second chance.
And you know, the funny thing about the condition of the human mind is that we often think that if we live life with lots of mistakes, we have more room, more experience, more lessons to grow from. But really, that in itself is the biggest mistake we could possibly live. Life doesn't always have to be full of mistakes in order to learn something valuable. In fact, we can learn more by giving ourselves more time to think things through rather than jumping from one regretful deed to the next. Saving ourselves the aggravation could ultimately save us an emotionally, mentally and physically unhealthy lifestyle. So EVERYONE who has experienced the condescending, pessimistic, rude, ignorant and sometimes downright cruel behaviour of certain people at some point in their lives has an extreme right to defend themselves when situations like these attack. The most important thing to remember is that we mustn't let people's negative influences defeat us in who we already are. Just like the words in Christina Aguilera's song Fighter suggest, people can do everything under the sun to try to taint our spirits, but if we wish to rise above all this we must believe in our inner voices to make us value and use our own strengths.
Alright, now here's where you come in. Tell me of a situation in which a person tried to define you or make you feel less important but you still managed to maintain the courage to stand up to them. How did voicing your feelings and opinion about what was bothering you make you feel? What strategies did you use to overcome your shyness of putting an end to their negative karma? Share how you think it did or did not help.
04 giugno Complain too much? This one's for all you attention seekers (like me)K all you big babies...save your tear ducts from drying out and the world's smallest violin from playing!! (yes, me included)
 I realize that unless you're a vegetable or a schizophrenic you have no justifiable reason why you must refrain from doing something productive with your time (something that will benefit you as well as others you're surrounded by or choose to associate with). If you must complain about something, complain about being a complainer. Cause truth behold, it isn't working in any of our favours. All we do is just whine and whine, hoping to gather enough sympathy votes but in turn, find ourselves starting the cycle up again by choosing a new topic to complain about if we don't get a desired response from others or life just doesn't go our way. When that happens, it only escalates from bad to worse because we push those we love or care about away from us (just the opposite of what we're going for here). Andddddd....to make matters worse, we're in the same exact spot we started from. Nothing has changed. We're still in full-fledged, orangutan mood swing, sulking mode that I wouldn't be surprised if some of us woke up to discover our frowns stuck to our chins and our pouty eyebrows beginning to look like Freida's!!
When I look at cases where certain people (people who are amputees, people who were told they were expected to die years ago, or people who endured a lot of suffrage in the past) overcome all odds to become some of the most successful, inspirational and powerful role models of our generation, I ask myself, "what am I doing just sitting here and literally expecting my life to rot in that moment I'm fixated on the thought that I'm not feeling as fulfilled as I know I could be?" Talk about draining your batteries of all its positive energy!!! Yes, we all have our moments where we rather crash and burn but shouldn't we be giving ourselves some sort of time frame to resolve these emotions so that we can press forward for the greater good and not be stuck in suck phase mode? In comparison to all those people who you'd think have something to really complain or be upset about but instead have chosen to live their lives with integrity, I realize my problems are pretty trivial and that these are the people to really look up to (as soon as I find a really solid example of someone who exempts this, I will be sure to post it on here. So be sure to look for it.
 )My life is not a sad story, so why make it into one? In everything I've achieved, everything I aspire to, and everyone I've been so blessed in knowing, my life is very full and rewarding. And so is yours if you choose to look on the positive side of everything you've accomplished and look forward to in the future. Even if you feel your life's a sham or something in it is a complete downer, you must always remember those who are less fortunate than you and have constant faith in yourself!!! Cause if we don't, we'll be posing a lot of "what ifs" 10, 15, 20 or more years from now because we never got to achieve what we wanted to; we never got to go where we wanted to go.
Now that you know my thoughts on the never ending fest of sad puppy dog faces and holding ourselves back from fulfilling our dreams, post a comment and tell me what you think is the best way one can overcome or avoid their endless complaining. I'd love to hear from ya!! (this may even start a new topic for me to write about in my next blog entry...hehe)
I know there are some of you who might read this that don't complain at all and I really admire that. You are my absolute saviours (not to pour it on thick or anything)!! So if you have some tips to pass on feel free. This blog is open for comment by anyone. I'm all about the love.
 Until next time...(and no more complaining from now on, okay?? I'll be working on that lil' dilemma too) all the best in everything you do!! And get cracking! What are you waiting for? There's so much out there and so little time, so make sure you manage everything wisely. It'll pay off big time. Trust me.  31 maggio Evoking positivity in the middle of 2006Hey Gang!!! Having just remarked we've already made it halfway into 2006, I thought it was about time I start creating a more personalized space that includes some of my new visions on life. For those of you who were in Walter's class to hear my opinion column on why it is a bad idea to post a personalized blog, you're probably wondering why on earth I've decided to take the opposite approach. Well the answer is quite simple really. Being out of college for about a month now and having the time to reflect on the past, others and myself, my perceptions on a lot of issues have slowly started to turn around in many positive ways. In sharing my different visions I hope to create a chain of insightful blogs (which introduce a new topic of discussion every 1-2 weeks) and comments that not only inspire and motivate all of you every week, but will encourage whoever reads my blogs on a regular basis to channel their energy in ways that have them closer to reaching their full potential. You know I must say that after graduating from SAIT last Friday, I instinctively started thinking about what I wanted out of the future and what I could improve on from that moment forward. And what I came up with was a very long list...lol...(which I won't bore you to tears in explaining right now but nonetheless got me completely psyched in wanting to reach some of my longterm goals.) I thought, with all these great thoughts racing through my mind, why not share it with others I know? They may be able to benefit and learn from it as well. Not only that but with blogs allowing people to tap into your thoughts from anywhere at anytime, I thought what better way of having your friends, family and former colleagues hear your voice in moments where you're not always available to offer advice? It sure makes things a lot easier in everyone's hectic schedules. So to sum it up, I would just like to say  to what I hope will be the start of many inspiring, exciting and thought-provoking blogs to come. Who knows. Maybe you'll get a kick out of it as well. Enjoy!!!!  |
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