~The*Dear~Abby*Double~: Love, Lust and ultimate Romance

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11 febbraio

Scarecrows and tin men and lions, OH MY!!

Imagine it's already Valentine's Day, you're a single lady who is ready to get all dolled up, exert your most sexy, confident self and go out on a dream date with a guy you think may be right for you. Untillllll...the two of you start dating for awhile and even though you have completely fallen for him, you find out that there is one major catch that at first you were oblivious to. Metaphorically, if you had to choose only one of the following guys to stay with, what type would you most likely take a chance on and why? What path will you take as you follow the yellow brick road??

The reason you're so into him: At first glance he seems awfully intimidating by his rigid posture, stern facial expressions and determination to scare anything that moves. But the moment he opens his mouth and a very friendly, outgoing, talkative, caring, and helpful nature quickly exudes, this guy puts the word scary to shame. People can't help but gravitate towards him because of his kind and gentle approach.
His weakness: Not having the means to think for himself
His wish: A brain to get a clue. Like DUH!

The reason you're so into him: He's as strong as steel; solid in every possible way. Nobody can sway this dude once he makes up his mind. That's not to say he's stubborn, but he certainly knows what he values in life. If you need a soft place to fall, this loyal guy is more than likely to be the first one you'll turn to when you're high strung. Being somewhat protective of you is not as easy for him as he may make it look, but regardless he's always prepared to catch you, even if it means he has to go as far as having you fall in his arms from a skyscraper building once reality sets in.
His weakness: Being emotionally detached from the world. Whenever he feels like cranking up the water works, he is rather rusty.
His wish: A heart to replace his sad case of insensitivity.

The reason you're so into him: He may be a cry baby when his personal insecurities are brought to the surface and he may even come across as a big bully at times, but deep down inside you know he is really soft-sided as well. A man full of ambition and very true to his word, his honesty and sincerity are qualities that add some pleasant variety to your relationship.
His weakness: The inability to face his deepest fears.
His wish: To replace his timid state with great courage and a sense of pride.

To everyone!!!

26 novembre

First comes love then comes...

...marriage.

It's a term that has become so overused these days that when used to mention a celebrity or someone we have only heard of briefly we think nothing of it. Marriages, as well engagements and/or big, fancy wedding celebrations that are included with the whole marriage deal happen everyday. But when that term suddenly applies to us, someone we have a deep connection with or an extremely young couple we begin to give it excessive thought as the word marriage is no longer just a term to us. It now carries a unique, significant meaning now that it directly affects us and/or the people we love and care about deeply (whether this be a future spouse or a friend or family member's upcoming marriage).

Having not yet reached that stage in my life (and being nowhere near ready to make such a HUGE decision), it would be unfair of me to try to write an educated opinion about what marriage is really about. So instead, I have decided to write about the impact of young marriage as this is an issue that has come up frequently with people around my own age.

But first, let me ask you something. Do you think it's unjust to say that people who decide to marry between the ages of 15 and 23 are making an irrational decision that will negatively affect them for the rest of their lives together? That they take the concept of marriage too lightly? That because they are so young that they are somehow blinded towards what they're really "rushing" themselves into? That they don't know who they are yet, therefore their daily power struggles with themselves will majorly conflict with their marriage in the long run? And in turn, a path to divorce will ensue?

To me, this seems like a possibility however I do believe that it's a misconception that young people lack a sense of identity when taking on a huge step such as this. They may not have had the time required to fulfill life's numerous experiences, achievements and promises th

at await them but that doesn't necessarily make them any less self-assured as individuals. As crazy as it sometimes seems, there are a few exceptions. You don't have to be over 30 to be well-established or confident in your overall ability to know how you'd like to manage your life. However, it's not the easiest route if you're planning on entering marriage without building a platform on which you can sustain yourself intellectually, emotionally and spiritually first. It's much better to plan a few steps ahead than a few steps backwards. Even if you may think you have a strong sense of who you really are and you love the other person to death, that doesn't necessarily indicate you're well-prepared for tying the knot. Marrying the man or woman of your dreams is one thing. Love is a scared thing between two people and it has the divine right to be shared in its fullest. But if there's conflicting matters that are at stake such as the relationship between the two families, religious beliefs, completion of one's education, etc. than perhaps it's high time you settle what has to be done before marriage by making the conflict you're most concerned about your first priority.

I mean, take me for instance. I'm only 20, I'm single, a full-time student and yes, I still live at home. And although for the most part I know who I am, I also know I am nowhere ready to make such a major commitment as marriage at this time. There are still at lot of "firsts" for me to take on such as a first car, first apartment, first credit card, first university degree, first "real job"... If I already find it challenging to keep up with myself in everything I do, how on earth could I possibly be at ease with keeping up with someone else on a daily basis? Only after I work more independly for a few years and I finally find myself in a longterm, loving relationship will I find out how the real world works and then maybe, just maybe will my feelings change. But right now, there is still a platform waiting for me to build. The same one I had said one had to build on first in order to sustain themselves and develop the right mind set to make their future marriage successful.

One thing I constantly tell myself when I am tempted to act on impulse that will perhaps help you from doing something you might later regret: ALWAYS remember what is most important to you and don't allow anyone to influence your decisions. It's not to say you are unreasonably stubborn but you must ALWAYS do what you feel in your heart and head are the right thing for you to do. Once the feeling that resides in your heart matches with what you think in your head, there is no way you cannot feel 100% sure you are making the right decision. It's only when we naturally have doubt without any explanation or reason that it's wise to think about what impact a decision such as marriage will have on us for the rest of our lives.

Marriage may be something that is taken lightly these days but it doesn't have to be that way. You have the power to make that slight difference that will save your future today! :)

26 giugno

SINGLE, SEXY and STEPPING UP THOSE STANDARDS a notch (how the recently "ex'd" 'ought to be from now on)

One of the biggest and most classic mistakes women probably make after a cute fling or a breakup is set themselves up on the rebound. It's like once reality gives some of us a slap in the face to tell us we're single we make a desperate attempt to attack back, proving we can get any guy we please. Even if this means flirting with strange men at the local 7 Eleven store (which, I'll have you know, is totally revolting. like EEEEEeeeewww, must we even go there ladies??? I mean, how desperate can we really be?). If not for that reason, we fill the void of feeling outrageously lonesome by grumbling widly about in our pjs, eating ridiculous amounts of ice cream, binge drinking or crawling under thick bed sheets and waiting there to die alone. And as much as all of us may need this at times, I'm beginning to wonder if getting over some guys is worth all that fuss. For instance, as certain experiences with boys pretending to be men has taught us, most can and will be REAL jerks. Perverts, stalkers, alcoholics, druggies, sex addicts, thieves, liars, gangsters, absentees, gamblers, whiners, jealous types, players, cheaters, verbal abusers, workaholics, guys who love women as punch bags

...the list is pretty much endless from there. And what's worse is many of us choose to believe that there isn't anyone else better to be with. That perhaps because most guys are jerks there is a slim chance the next guy to catch our eye will be any less painless (which is why we may choose to work things out to the very end). But just think of how hateful we're being to ourselves in the process. Unhealthy, longterm relationships such as these will turn the days we spend with these creeps into weeks, weeks into months, and sometimes months into years. All this time we share with people that don't truly love/care/respect who we are as women is time we'll NEVER be able to regain that true sense of happiness we should have deserved while we were with them, right from the start. And who's to say that in that stretch of time we wasted with Mr. creep heads we could have ended up with our prince charmings. Incredible odds, but optimistically speaking, I swear it can happen.

Whatever the reason was that one of your past dating relationships had to come to an abrupt and sad end, there's no reason to cry endlessly over someone so downright cruel and insensitive. Sure, give yourself time to heal and yes, it's definitely okay to cry your feelings out till your eyes run out of tears (you've been hurt so badly and need quality time to vent). But please, DON'T do so FOREVER! Remember, the more time you spend dwelling over the negative feelings of the past, is time you will NEVER regain that happiness you are so worthy of having. Not only that, but by doing so you're only giving the guy the power to control your emotions once again. Definitely a no no for what we're striving for here.

I think that if us girls were to step back for a second and think about what qualities we don't want in guys more than what qualities we often fantasize about, we can set much higher standards for ourselves. Fantasizing over good looks, magnetic charm, cute butts, infectious smiles, sexy voices, etc. is all great fun (okay I'll be honest, "DANGEROUSLY delicious" fun...hehe) but in some ways I think these aspects can blind us towards seeing the true colours of someone's personality. Let's face it...it's sooooo so easy to get caught up in the moment of infatuation that we often ignore the "signs" of what may not be suitable for us in a serious and long lasting relationship. Because we like or love the person soooo much, we're willing to sacrifice a lot of things for them without really using our heads. Because we only believe what we choose to believe, we sometimes cut them too much slack, make up excuses for them, sometimes even lie for them. Well no more I say!! It's time we take matters into our own hands for a change and let guys know that if they're wanting to score a hot date with us they're going to have to earn it first. No matter how flattering their typical pick up lines may be, we have to show them that we can stand our ground with class. Perhaps if we are to give off the impression that we strongly respect ourselves, they will respect us also. And maybe, just maybeeee they'll come to understand that we wouldn't settle for any less (fingers crossed that all guys won't be scarecrows when it comes to this one. Who's with me on this lil' theory I have so far? Any thoughts you'd like to add?