~TheDear~AbbyDouble~

A Forrest Gump fill in the _____

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 23:58:58 GMT

Most of you have heard the famous words,

whether the movie Forrest Gump was a must see drama for you or not. But how many of you will be able to fill in the blank for the following by adding a pinch of your own flavour to it?? Remember now, no copy cats allowed.

Life is like a ________________, you never know what you're going to get.

"The Secret" is not as hush hush as the name implies

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 04:40:27 GMT

If you've recently reached a plateau in your life and don't know how you can make a life-altering decision for yourself, The Secret written by Rhonda Byrne is the perfect book choice for you to read. Originally developed into a film by the author herself, this newly written collection of profound revelations, oral traditions, literature, religions and philosophies of today's men and women will guide you on a path of self-discovery as you intently read each page. Not only will you learn the secret behind maintaining a prosperous future in all streams of your life such as money, health, relationships, happiness and all connections you have with the world, but you will learn from the gripping tales of modern-day teachers who choose to share their wisdom and understanding of the secret to the world.

Thanks to some of the most prominent people who date back centuries in history: Plato, Galileo, Beethoven, Edison, Carnegie, Einstein and many other inventors, theologians, scientists and great thinkers - not to mention the author uncovering life's many mysteries in this book, millions now have the chance to flourish from the inside out.

I highly encourage you go out and buy the book when you have a moment to yourself. By doing so, you will conveniently have a great guide to refer to when you're feeling down and ultimately turn your world downside up!

A St. Patrick's Day fill in the _______

Wed, 07 Mar 2007 18:32:42 GMT

For every other Wednesday, your job as bloggers and bloggists will be to fill in the blank for a famous quote or idiom that I randomly throw at ya. The word you choose will have to be something that is 100% original, 100% your own. No copying off your fellow bloggers, alright??

On your marks, get set......GO!!!

Kiss me, I'm _____________!

The Oprah Winfrey Academy for Girls- need I say more??

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 09:39:32 GMT

Actually I do.

You see, this is not just your typical prep boarding school for girls. As far as my dictionary is concerned, it is not only "the" school for any South African girl living in adverse circumstances, but a contagious cause that should have our world reaching beyond the confines of themselves to make a much richer global empowerment someday. I say this with complete certainty because as I watched the Oprah Winfrey Primetime SpecialBuilding a Dream that aired three days ago on ABC and saw the faces of ten beautiful, vivacious and intelligent, fluent English speaking girls open up about their lives on camera, I could not help but feel a sense of gratitude to each of them for living their powerful, courageous and poignant journeys with utmost integrity.

To backtrack a bit in case you have been rather "snailish" in hearing or reading the exciting news...

On January 2 Oprah cut the red ribbon and generously opened her doors to 152 accepted female applicants (girls ages 12 or 13) for her $40 million Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls located south of Johannesburg in a small town called Henley-on-Klip, with get this- 100% free tuition!!

"These girls deserve to be surrounded by beauty, and beauty does inspire," Winfrey said. "I wanted this to be a place of honor for them because these girls have never been treated with kindness. They've never been told they are pretty or have wonderful dimples. I wanted to hear those things as a child."

The academy includes 28 buildings over a stretch of 20 hectares (52 acres) of land, with all the sophisticated startings to a brighter future- new computers, hi-tech classrooms, spacious and comfortable study areas, a gorgeous dining hall, luxurious dormitory rooms, etc. If you haven't had a real good look at the beautiful school yet click here. It's to die for!

Girls from diversified impoverished backgrounds (or with family incomes that could not surpass $800/month) joined together like sisters from some of South Africa's most dangerous communities. Although only 152 of them could be selected, over 3,000 applications poured in, which- to their surprise- guaranteed them an interview with Oprah as part of the evaluation process. Eventually the school is expected to accommodate 450 girls (Grades 7-12) four years from now.

Breathing life into Oprah's dream that took her 5 years to execute, these young ladies deserve the chance to have their talent, strength and leadership qualities recognized. That's why I cannot escape the urge to write about them as they have literally changed my perspective on life in many respects.

Here's a little sneak peak into the lives of 5 remarkable adolescents Oprah honorably refers to as her "dream girls".

Thando

13-year-old Thando is a very bright and very hardworking scholar who has big aspirations to become an star actress and a powerful conviction that South Africa is in need of a female president. Unfortunately, life was never as glamorous for her as the title of her future career choice implies. With her mom being currently unemployed, Thando's grandmother covers all her school expenses by working as a housekeeper of a white family, leaving them both in deep financial debt. Her relationship with both her parents is estranged.

"My grandmother is my inspiration," Thando says as she tries hard to fight back her tears, "She does everything- she borrows money from her friends, she struggles to pay my school fees, and she gets into financial trouble. Sometimes I think it's all because of me."

Lesego

Lesego, also 13 years-old, is an avid learner who is very fond of mathematics and already a strong leader for her peers. After class she teaches poetry, telling others powerfully evoking messages such as, "You are an individual. Act like an individual. Don't try to blend in. Blend out."

Living with her father in a humble home that has a caved-in roof due to the excess of rain and no indoor plumbing, Lesego doesn't look at her life as unfortunate.

Lesego has been through greater hurdles, including the betrayal she has had to endure since her mom abandoned her at age 4 not to mention her dad's constant struggle to take care of her ever since. Still yet, she is bursting with energy, one day hoping she will change the world as well as her own life.

Sade and Megan

Sade and Megan are sisters who share an inseparable bond that cannot compare to any other. Every night leading up to the opening of the academy they have prayed for one another, desperately hoping that they would both get in.

Although they define themselves as complete opposites of one another, the two of them have shared a special relationship that has only grown into something stronger than crazy glue since they both have witnessed their father shoot their mother and then immediately after, himself (when Megan was 6 and Sade only 5).

The girls don't have any resentments against their parents' abusive relationship as they proudly display their parents picture on their fridge door.

As Sade explains, "I'm not angry at my father 'cause I know God has a reason. Just remember the good times, not the bad."

Zodwa

At 12-years-old, Zodwa has already experienced one of the most devastating struggles the average American typically experiences in their late adulthood- the death of a parent. Last year, her mother was stricken with one of the most commonly widespread diseases of their country- HIV- and later died after it developed into AIDS. Although she lives with her loving grandparents, there is not a day that goes by when Zodwa doesn't miss her mom deeply.

Especially when she walks the streets of Alexandra , one of the poorest and dangerous communities in South Africa, just to attend school regularly. Education is so important to her that she will force herself to overcome her everyday fears of walking past men carrying guns, knives, drugs, even grabbing her and asking for sex just to see her dreams of an improved lifestyle come to life.

"I just wish I could get out of this environment," says this unbelievably brave girl.

"I want to be a leader. I want to be an example. I want to get into Med school you know. It's all I've wanted with my life."

If you didn't have the chance to watch the full episode on February 26th, not to worry! These gripping stories will be retold on Saturday, March 3rd at 9 p.m. ET/ 8 p.m. CT on ABC so don't miss it. Turn it into a family affair and after watching be sure to place a comment below by stating what part of Oprah's primetime special impacted you the most.

Scarecrows and tin men and lions, OH MY!!

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 09:17:00 GMT

Imagine it's already Valentine's Day, you're a single lady who is ready to get all dolled up, exert your most sexy, confident self and go out on a dream date with a guy you think may be right for you. Untillllll...the two of you start dating for awhile and even though you have completely fallen for him, you find out that there is one major catch that at first you were oblivious to. Metaphorically, if you had to choose only one of the following guys to stay with, what type would you most likely take a chance on and why? What path will you take as you follow the yellow brick road??

The reason you're so into him: At first glance he seems awfully intimidating by his rigid posture, stern facial expressions and determination to scare anything that moves. But the moment he opens his mouth and a very friendly, outgoing, talkative, caring, and helpful nature quickly exudes, this guy puts the word scary to shame. People can't help but gravitate towards him because of his kind and gentle approach.
His weakness: Not having the means to think for himself
His wish: A brain to get a clue. Like DUH!

The reason you're so into him: He's as strong as steel; solid in every possible way. Nobody can sway this dude once he makes up his mind. That's not to say he's stubborn, but he certainly knows what he values in life. If you need a soft place to fall, this loyal guy is more than likely to be the first one you'll turn to when you're high strung. Being somewhat protective of you is not as easy for him as he may make it look, but regardless he's always prepared to catch you, even if it means he has to go as far as having you fall in his arms from a skyscraper building once reality sets in.
His weakness: Being emotionally detached from the world. Whenever he feels like cranking up the water works, he is rather rusty.
His wish: A heart to replace his sad case of insensitivity.

The reason you're so into him: He may be a cry baby when his personal insecurities are brought to the surface and he may even come across as a big bully at times, but deep down inside you know he is really soft-sided as well. A man full of ambition and very true to his word, his honesty and sincerity are qualities that add some pleasant variety to your relationship.
His weakness: The inability to face his deepest fears.
His wish: To replace his timid state with great courage and a sense of pride.

To everyone!!!

Tis the season to blow most of your moolah BIG goodbye kisses

Fri, 15 Dec 2006 00:11:21 GMT

In today's over-commercialized economy, it's not very hard to see how our society has been conditioned to make money the forefront of everyday living, especially during the holidays. Majority of infamous Christmas trends have substituted the kind act of giving from the heart into the form of giving that only comes from the depency and convenience of cash. Christmas is no longer about going the extra mile to spend quality time with the ones we love or forcing ourselves to think outside the box when it comes to expressing what people TRULY mean to us. With all the advertising Christmas has received in terms of buying the "perfect" gift for people we consider to be important, we have automatically been taught from a very young age that gift giving is a generous deed that doesn't go unnoticed nor unappreciated. In certain circumstances we realize this is true. Money is a key component in donating to specific charities like the Salvation Army and Food Bank, putting a roof over the less fortunates heads and feeding the homeless. But too much, too fast, in a world where it is naturally assumed that bigger is better, and we find ourselves ignoring the REAL meaning behind Christmas.

It's not the genorisity of perfect gift giving that is crucial to maintaining a vibrant Christmas for all to enjoy. It's celebrating the lives of people around us by giving in ways that don't necessarily involve the use of money to buy happiness or love. Sometimes giving from the heart speaks louder than giving from the wallet.

So as much as the media's illusory portrayal has good intentions behind advertising the gift giving spirit of Christmas, it has hidden the beautiful significance of Christmas in many ways. For instance, if you ever watched the Oprah Winfrey or Dr. Phil Christmas specials (not to pick on these globally adored TV giants in any way of course because they have done a lot of good for many people) and noticed how the audience's reaction varies on the size and expense of the gift being advertised, you'll see that it is not always consistently enthused. A camera? YAY!! A plasma TV?? Even better!! A car??? I think I'm in heaven!! A Christmas soundtrack? Uhhhh....I guess I could applaude. So although the idea of being given free gifts sound nice, don't you also think it's a little hypocritical for these international celebrities to emphasize the importance of being grateful for what we're given in life throughout the whole year and yet they contradict those powerful messages by giving materialized goods that are not a necessity top recognition during the Christmas season? As much as we hate to face it it's shows like these that contribute to not just American's spoildness but the spoildness of many people around the world.

So if that were to change, if we were to imagine ourselves in the shoes of somebody who has almost no money or anything material wise and we weren't able to afford any Christmas presents, even if it were for just a second, what would be the first thing you'd do in terms of giving from the heart? How would you clearly show Christmas wasn't all about the money and that it was more about thinking of creative ways of making others feel special (even if it isn't someone you know personally)? Your thoughts please.

And if I don't have the opportunity to write another blog on here during the month of December

First comes love then comes...

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 03:20:28 GMT

...marriage. It's a term that has become so overused these days that when used to mention a celebrity or someone we have only heard of briefly we think nothing of it. Marriages, as well engagements and/or big, fancy wedding celebrations that are included with the whole marriage deal happen everyday. But when that term suddenly applies to us, someone we have a deep connection with or an extremely young couple we begin to give it excessive thought as the word marriage is no longer just a term to us. It now carries a unique, significant meaning now that it directly affects us and/or the people we love and care about deeply (whether this be a future spouse or a friend or family member's upcoming marriage).

Having not yet reached that stage in my life (and being nowhere near ready to make such a HUGE decision), it would be unfair of me to try to write an educated opinion about what marriage is really about. So instead, I have decided to write about the impact of young marriage as this is an issue that has come up frequently with people around my own age.

But first, let me ask you something. Do you think it's unjust to say that people who decide to marry between the ages of 15 and 23 are making an irrational decision that will negatively affect them for the rest of their lives together? That they take the concept of marriage too lightly? That because they are so young that they are somehow blinded towards what they're really "rushing" themselves into? That they don't know who they are yet, therefore their daily power struggles with themselves will majorly conflict with their marriage in the long run? And in turn, a path to divorce will ensue?

To me, this seems like a possibility however I do believe that it's a misconception that young people lack a sense of identity when taking on a huge step such as this. They may not have had the time required to fulfill life's numerous experiences, achievements and promises that await them but that doesn't necessarily make them any less self-assured as individuals. As crazy as it sometimes seems, there are a few exceptions. You don't have to be over 30 to be well-established or confident in your overall ability to know how you'd like to manage your life. However, it's not the easiest route if you're planning on entering marriage without building a platform on which you can sustain yourself intellectually, emotionally and spiritually first. It's much better to plan a few steps ahead than a few steps backwards. Even if you may think you have a strong sense of who you really are and you love the other person to death, that doesn't necessarily indicate you're well-prepared for tying the knot. Marrying the man or woman of your dreams is one thing. Love is a scared thing between two people and it has the divine right to be shared in its fullest. But if there's conflicting matters that are at stake such as the relationship between the two families, religious beliefs, completion of one's education, etc. than perhaps it's high time you settle what has to be done before marriage by making the conflict you're most concerned about your first priority.

I mean, take me for instance. I'm only 20, I'm single, a full-time student and yes, I still live at home. And although for the most part I know who I am, I also know I am nowhere ready to make such a major commitment as marriage at this time. There are still at lot of "firsts" for me to take on such as a first car, first apartment, first credit card, first university degree, first "real job"... If I already find it challenging to keep up with myself in everything I do, how on earth could I possibly be at ease with keeping up with someone else on a daily basis? Only after I work more independly for a few years and I finally find myself in a longterm, loving relationship will I find out how the real world works and then maybe, just maybe will my feelings change. But right now, there is still a platform waiting for me to build. The same one I had said one had to build on first in order to sustain themselves and develop the right mind set to make their future marriage successful.

One thing I constantly tell myself when I am tempted to act on impulse that will perhaps help you from doing something you might later regret: ALWAYS remember what is most important to you and don't allow anyone to influence your decisions. It's not to say you are unreasonably stubborn but you must ALWAYS do what you feel in your heart and head are the right thing for you to do. Once the feeling that resides in your heart matches with what you think in your head, there is no way you cannot feel 100% sure you are making the right decision. It's only when we naturally have doubt without any explanation or reason that it's wise to think about what impact a decision such as marriage will have on us for the rest of our lives.

Marriage may be something that is taken lightly these days but it doesn't have to be that way. You have the power to make that slight difference that will save your future today! :)

Continually Climbing

Fri, 29 Sep 2006 06:05:55 GMT

I call it my "Fabulous Fridays". You may call it a much needed break from the week's work. Either way, I have decided that I'd spice up these blog postings a bit by posting something fun or inspirational every last Friday of each month. (something that'll be completely separate from my online opinion). Whether it be a story I've read, a meaningful poem, a hilarious joke, a recipe, picture or song lyrics, I figure there will be many smiles to be had once these are shared.

This Friday...Maya Angelou. Not only is she a source of inspiration for us all, but her gift with words is so deeply felt through her writing.

Here's a poem that I found very motivational while I was surfing online. Feel free to share what you think of it and what it means to you by posting a comment below.

Still I Rise

You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Maya Angelou

An individual's intelligence: Can it really be measured?

Tue, 26 Sep 2006 09:43:09 GMT

If there's one word I prefer not hearing it's the word stupid. Same thing goes for any synonyms or inferences related to it for everyone has at least one aspect of themselves that outshines someone else's talents, knowledge or strengths.

If you think about it, there's no such thing as a "completely dumb person". People may make unwise decisions, ask questions majority of us would consider "common sense", be mentally challenged or miserably flunk a course but that doesn't necessarily make them "stupid". With everyone's flaws comes potential. And with potential comes a wonderful platform on which to build success. The key is to focus on these prime areas with consistent determination, passion and sheer faith.

Even if a person truly believes they have nothing outstanding to offer the world, someone else, believe it or not, DOES. They may not have found their niche just yet, but it's there. If they're determined enough, they'll develop the skills necessary for their best suited interests. And sometimes when they least expect it, their main talent falls onto their lap and their whole life's identity gradually reveals itself to them.

Now there are lots of complex tests that try to measure a person's intelligence as accurately as possible. The infamous one being the IQ (Intelligence Quotient) test developed in France by Alfred Binet and Theodore Simon. Originally intended to test if a child was mentally "retarded" over a century ago, the modern IQ test has now expanded to various forms of mental ability such as verbal, mathematical, spatial, memory and reasoning. When "pre-testing" a sample of the broader population, results obtained usually show that majority of people have an IQ between 90 and 110. Because majority of society's problem solving mentality contrived in this test is average, we get a classic, "bell-shaped" curve as shown below.

Notice how the highest point of the graph is in the middle? This represents the average intelligence level, obviously comprising of the majority. The left end of the graph that declines represents the lower than average intelligence and the right represents the really genius IQs. Think it'll change in the next century? Too bad we won't be here long enough to find out. It is kinda interesting to find out.

Minus the help of professionals who study the human mind, all the invasive forms of measuring intelligence, we can also look at obtaining the next belt in karate as testing ones smarts on the spot. Example: Say you were unexpectedly attacked from behind, your initial reaction would be to use what techniques you've learned in class to defend yourself. Although the scenarios are rehearsed, everything you've learned to master your karate to that point was still knowledge you had to make an effort to understand.

Even something as a challenge of opinions could be classified as measuring people's intelligence. Some people are able to deliver their standpoints with poise, others are outspoken, while some choose to carry a bluntness through everyday conversation. Based on delivery, wording, tone, content and standpoint, a person can have a way of portraying themselves in an intelligent or unintelligent manner. It just depends on what tactic they decide to use.

The examples above demonstrate only a small portion of life's many "smart tests" thrown our way. But the important thing to realize through this is that just like beauty, smarts come in all shapes, all sizes, all colours, all faces in our universe. Just because you cannot see it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist.

*For more info on measuring intelligence, read BBC's Science and Nature Hot Topics*

Never say never, huh? Well...think again

Sat, 02 Sep 2006 10:34:44 GMT

Let's face it. Not all of us remain calm and assertive on weekends as this long one might prove. Many of us with the coming of age (or for most of us who are already of age) have jobs to attend to, important events to experience, university/college projects to work on, exam preparations to blow our brains for, people to meet, errands to run, families to raise, relationships to work on, major dilemmas to sort through on our own two feet. Not all of us are capable of taking some time out of our chaotic schedules to kick back at home and pamper ourselves with a little TLC even though well deserved. Keeping our cool is not always easy...(well OBVIOUSLY!!). On the other hand what is easy is mouth rolling some negative thoughts with.."Ooh I can't...", "I would never be able to..." or "So and so can do this a whole lot better than me". Would you quit labeling yourself self-esteem deprived already? STOP IT! Even I'm getting so exhausted just thinking about it that what this calls for is a long, relaxing vacation ...mhmmmmm...that's what I'm talking about baby. Just me and my luggage away from you. LOL...Or if that fails miserably you can order me a nice, tall martini please. Yup, that should do the trick.

K, I'll be totally serious for a moment now. Remember when I said in my 2nd blog that if one chooses to complain about something that he/she must always look at those less fortunate than them and have a constant belief in themselves? Well now I'm telling you to use that message to block all those ugly thoughts you have traveling your way. If that doesn't help, here's a little list I compiled of the top ten NEVERS I think are useful to live by on a day-to-day basis. Please, add on your own "NEVER" to this list. Teach me and many others a new thing or two.

And question: who said it was a NEVER to say NEVER, huh? I don't know about you, but it sure works for me.

1. NEVER look at the mistakes you've made as regrets. Instead, use those experiences as tools to help you become a person to be proud of.

2. NEVER perceive losses as failures but the push to success.

3. NEVER underestimate your power, potential and positive attributes. Everyone has the capability to rise above if they know what their strengths are and what ways they can improve it.

4. NEVER hide yourself in a closet because you'd rather save yourself the embarrassment of people finding out the "dark truth" about the real you. It's much better to face it head-on so that you grow up to understand that life is not all about preserving a pretend perfect image to the world. I mean think about it. If you're mopping about with trivial thoughts floating in mind, can't you see how that puts an emphasis on the word ME? Rather than swapping your depressed state with a vibrant one, how are people ever to positively reflect off your behaviour? Yeah, that's right. THEY WON'T. So stop being selfish and realize there's a bigger reality out there than yours. Start thinking of ways you can improve society by doing what you do best. In good time, you will begin to see others around you developing a brighter perception of how you know deep down inside you CAN be.

5. NEVER let something that first seems insanely difficult, new or drastic defeat you. ALWAYS be glad to rise to the occasion for you never know where it may take you someday. If you give it your all and you still weren't able to master it, at least you can proudly say you still came out with a winner's attitude.

6. NEVER lash out towards those who have supported you through everything even though you may be feeling 100% disposable. It just makes you look worse than who you are striving to one day be.

7. NEVER change anything about yourself if it's something that will FOREVER be a part of you or is already positive (e.g.- height, b-day, genetics, giving spirit, successful athlete, etc.) These things are a waste of time to fight over so rather than erase these qualities permanently, learn to embrace them by doing whatever it takes to repair your distorted perception. And if you must change something about yourself, as in a negative attribute, than figure out what steps you would need to initiate in order to make that happen for yourself.

8. NEVER let others bring you down. Don't allow them to tell you you're impossible, incapable, unworthy or unintelligent. By doing so, you only stoop down to their levels by placing yourself in the sewer they feel themselves in.

9. NEVER let an opportunity pass you by. You don't want to be kicking yourself for not taking advantage of something that you find out years later you could have done successfully.

10. NEVER dismiss being true to you. Do what makes you feel right and not what makes you feel accepted. Respect from others ONLY develops after respect for yourself evolves.

Contaminated courtesy and robbed respect: how giving in to certain others could mean giving up on what's most important- YOURSELF

Tue, 25 Jul 2006 07:53:18 GMT

Life is tough. Alright, alright I'll admit. That does sound like a simple way of putting a complex matter and rather cliche, but I find it to be especially true when it comes to interacting effectively with people in our day-to-day lives. At the same time no one wants to intentionally hurt and/or offend anyone, no one wants to fall victim to being belittled by not speaking up about how they really feel towards the situation either. And if you're anything at all like me, you may find that being a half-eager people pleaser is an exhausting job that'll require you tip-toeing around people WAY too often. Sometimes it'll even have you lying by omission (or only revealing part of the truth) just to keep everybody happy or at bay(which you may think is being nice, but in the long run means exactly the opposite). So how to strike the balance between being a kind-hearted, honest individual who would much rather avoid hurting/upsetting people while not allowing others to burn a cigarette hole right through your soul you may ask? Well the sad reality is no matter how sweet or giving you may tend to be, there will ALWAYS be someone who will gladly rise to the occasion of seeing you fall flat on your face or who will take advantage you in every slightest, possible way just to gain what he/she wants from you. So yes, we can't please everyone. Haters are out there whether we like it or not. But what we can do is know enough about ourselves to realize that we're not the problem here. The person on the other end obviously has some issues to work through before we can settle our differences with them. We can't be constantly be worried about how we are being perceived by people who flagrantly disregard our feelings like they would a piece of chewing gum they spit out the moment it suddenly diminishes in all its flavour. If we do, we're being very unfair to ourselves in the long run by letting such people dictate our emotions (obviously without giving much thought as to what negative affect these people's actions or words have on us).

So now there has got to be a way to still maintain a sweetness about you without letting others destruct who you really are and what you stand for. The question that remains is how???

Well what it all narrows down to is a matter of making excellent judgement calls. When those instincts of ours are telling us something, I strongly believe we should follow them. Our inner voices are such a powerful tool that must not be ignored! Rather, they should be explored as much as possible in order to make some right decisions for ourselves. Especially when we need it most. More specifically, when we sense someone's good vibes are bringing us luck we should embrace and fully credit that for all it's worth. Cause not everyone out there has alternative motives for establishing some sort of connection with us. There are many beautiful people out there who are very deserving of having our trust, kindness and generosity reciprocated in similar ways they have shown those forms of affection towards us. On the other extreme, if we're sensing something is not quite adding up with someone, chances are we're right. Therefore, we should learn to trust our instincts in instances like these rather than make mistakes that can easily be avoided (of course, that's not to say we shouldn't make mistakes in order to learn from them. That can prove to be a huge lesson as well.). All I'm saying is that it's important to learn to distinguish when it is appropriate to cut certain people slack and when it is essential to crank down our tendency of being just "too nice".

I'd also like to point out that when a person is in his/her initial stages of connecting with another human being (AKA, a "stranger"), I think it's very important they set realistic expectations about who they are in the process of getting to know. At the same time you don't want to be close-minded that this person will disappoint you like many people before, you also don't want to be blind sided by the positive qualities you are so desperate to see in that other person. So to some extent we should ALWAYS proceed with a little caution. I know what you're thinking..."gosh, Morgan was doing so well on this whole positive talk thing until she came to this part. This seems a little...what's the word? Paranoid?" Haha, not at all. We must not mistake the term "cautious" for "paranoia". It's wise. If we didn't take some of the right precautions in the beginning, we could wind up in a lot of big time messes that we'll regret deeply and come to discover were easily preventable later on .

After just writing the above paragraph, I now find myself looking back on a conversation I was having with an old friend last Thursday. Somehow as we were driving out of one of the busy parking areas outside the Race City race track (after the Van Warp Tour officially came to an end) that same word came up. My resilience to join my friend in his moshing craze earlier that day had him a little disappointed, as I could tell in his voice when he mentioned I didn't try out this new experience. I replied in a humorous tone by saying, "Yah, I know. You probably think I'm a worrywart." To which he replied, "Sometimes." Which is cool. I can understand why he'd perceive me to be that way. After all, I admit I take a lot less risks than people my age. But then the conversation slightly shifted gears into something more interesting when he started explaining how reserved people tend to make less mistakes and are pessimistic towards many different aspects in life. At that moment, I could tell that got him thinking about his comment about me. "Are you a pessimist?" he asked. To be honest, I was kinda shocked he asked that so instead of replying right away I laughed. "Well I try to be optimistic about things most of the time," I said. I know what you're thinking. Soooo??? Where's the point of this story so far? Just be patient. I'm getting there. Anyway, that was a decent response but did I stop right there?? Noooooo...I rambled a bit of course. In turn, I regrettably admitted I was a pessimist which now thinking back is so far from the truth. What I should have said was that I rely on my intuition as my main source. I think what had me falsely say I was a pessimist was the fact that I've been burned by so many people in the past, I tend to feed off those past experiences as a learning mechanism for the present and the future. In some ways it's not healthy as I tend to overanalyze situations such as these, but at the same time I find it helps me weed the "bad ones" out. So I wouldn't necessarily throw away my cautious side entirely. For the most part it works for me. I actually think that can be a bonus on my part. Example: Had I not used my cautious side to predetermine going inside a mosh pit wasn't the brightest idea for myself, who knows if I would have made it out there alive. At my tiny stature I probably would have gotten squished not to mention fondled a few times. YUCK!! So in a way the "cautious side" is actually the "intellectual side" if a person is willing to see it in that light. However, I would still like to see myself letting go of some cautiousness so that I don't limit the vast amount of opportunities and experiences that are out there for me to explore.

Having said all that, it does personally frustrate me (GRRRRRRRR...) that my naturally sweet, generous, friendly and forgivable self has been perceived by MANY people as something they can easily take advantage of. While these qualities seem complimentary to the beautiful spirit I hope to promote for myself, I have often let these qualities give too many undeserving people the benefit of the doubt it's not even funny. At the same time I know I definitely didn't deserve to be subjected to their mistreatment and different forms of deception, I can't blame anyone but myself for allowing them to dictate my emotions in such a way. By repeatedly giving into their excuses in excess, I unintentionally sent them each a message that suggested I was both naive and vulnerable (which I know I definitely am not). I'm the kind of woman who knows exactly who she is and where she is going in terms of her values, beliefs, morals, goals and everything else in between. Once I make up my mind about a particular something or somebody there's no stopping me (yes, I'm pretty strong-willed that way). And the good thing about me in situations like these is that once I get the confirmation I need from people that fit these descriptions, I sever all connections with them to ensure they don't inflict more harm on me than they already have. However, the bad thing is I let everything that builds up to that point of confirmation drag out longer than sometimes necessary (mainly because I try so hard to remain positive and open-minded about these people I have accepted as part of my life). But now I realize that that was probably me being in denial. However, I do thank myself for never letting things escalate to a point where I was put in a compromising situation or had anything scar me for the rest of my life.

This happens to be very hard issue for a young person like myself to reevaluate as I constantly try to see the good side of people (the side that inspires you, educates you and makes you laugh). I NEVER like to start off any form of contact or relationship with another human being with so many negative emotions going in as I feel this can predetermine a rocky road for yourself ahead. I've always been a strong believer of giving people second chances (whether they earn it or not) cause I know as much as you and everyone else that ALL people have a tendency to make mistakes and that perfection is simply fictionalized. What makes this even more difficult is that I don't like to see anyone hurt or offended by what I truthfully tell them. As much as this may seem like reasonable logic and to some extent it holds true, this part is obviously not working for me. So you know what, I've decided to change this ONE particular aspect about myself when it comes to my social interaction with others (just by following the advice I had given in the first few paragraphs). It's time for not just me, but all us people pleasers to realize that we can't save the world by hoping our magical touch of kindness will cure certain people of all evil. There are just some issues that are too major for us to resolve in one day and sometimes to be safe, it's just best to leave it be. As much as I hate to say this, there are just some people out there who leave you with no other option but to ignore giving them a second chance.

And you know, the funny thing about the condition of the human mind is that we often think that if we live life with lots of mistakes, we have more room, more experience, more lessons to grow from. But really, that in itself is the biggest mistake we could possibly live. Life doesn't always have to be full of mistakes in order to learn something valuable. In fact, we can learn more by giving ourselves more time to think things through rather than jumping from one regretful deed to the next. Saving ourselves the aggravation could ultimately save us an emotionally, mentally and physically unhealthy lifestyle.

So EVERYONE who has experienced the condescending, pessimistic, rude, ignorant and sometimes downright cruel behaviour of certain people at some point in their lives has an extreme right to defend themselves when situations like these attack. The most important thing to remember is that we mustn't let people's negative influences defeat us in who we already are. Just like the words in Christina Aguilera's song Fighter suggest, people can do everything under the sun to try to taint our spirits, but if we wish to rise above all this we must believe in our inner voices to make us value and use our own strengths.

Alright, now here's where you come in. Tell me of a situation in which a person tried to define you or make you feel less important but you still managed to maintain the courage to stand up to them. How did voicing your feelings and opinion about what was bothering you make you feel? What strategies did you use to overcome your shyness of putting an end to their negative karma? Share how you think it did or did not help.

Beauty TRULY is in the eye of the beholder

Sat, 01 Jul 2006 23:01:23 GMT

People Magazine chose to rate these s as the top ten "World's Most Beautiful People 2006" (included below are their reasons why). So now let's see you be the judge. Who would you rate as the world's most beautiful person and why? (even if you'd like to acknowledge a celebrity that didn't make the top ten or someone you know personally, certainly feel free to do so).

Angelina Jolie:

"She looks the most beautiful when she's in the field – natural, no makeup, nothing," says Wyclef Jean of the actress-activist, 30. Indeed, her beauty needs are decidedly practical: a dusting of powder, a few strokes of mascara, a dab of Vaseline on her world-famous lips and – voilà! – she's ready to meet the president of Pakistan. "She wants to make a difference," says U.N. representative Guebre-Christos. "She does it with a lot of simplicity."

Jessica Alba:

Her new movie is called Awake. Here's how Alba, 25, keeps that fresh vibe. Always wears: "Moisturizer." Barely wears: "Powder. I have kind of a round nose, and too much powder makes it look rounder." Washes hair: "Most days, unfortunately. I don't think it's good for your hair." Smells like: "Gardenia and candy."

Isaiah Washington:

Playing a doctor on Grey's Anatomy doesn't require taking the Hippocratic Oath. Still, Washington, 42, follows a "first do no harm" policy with personal grooming. No scruffy beards: "What woman in her right mind wants to be stuck by a dude with a bunch of bristly hairs?" No gnarly nails: "I get manicures and pedicures." No designer haircuts: "A trim once a week. As natural as possible – not too tapered or Jheri-curl juicy."

Eva Longoria:

Longoria, 31, packs heat as a secret service agent in The Sentinel – and she shoots from the hip. She isn't vain: "Makeup artists always want to fill in the scar on my left eyebrow, but I never let them." She's a trendsetter: "She's really changed the way women on the red carpet look at color," says stylist Robert Verdi. She's practical: "I go to work in my pj's. I just have to get undressed again."

James Blunt:

Before his earnest falsetto topped the charts with "You're Beautiful," Blunt, 32, was a captain in the British army, even escorting the Queen. Up next: Summer tour for his album Back to Bedlam. What he brings on the road: "A bar of soap." Why so basic? "In the army you carry as little as possible. Most touring bands do the same." Beauty icon: "My father's in the army. He doesn't facial himself either."

Beyonce:

To play the lead in the film adaptation of the Broadway smash Dreamgirls, Knowles, 24, subjected herself to bushy eyebrows and frumpy suits. The result: Total transformation ("Very not cute," she told reporters) – and a taste of what life might have been like if she hadn't been born beautiful. "To be honest," she said, "I feel people would have acknowledged my talent a lot more."

Heather LockLear:

"Maybe 40 is the new 30," says TV's consummate California girl, 44. After splitting from husband Richie Sambora in February, the mom of daughter Ava, 8, just keeps getting hotter. So – the secret? Run, sun (strictly the fake variety) and fun. "I don't say, 'No more bread or pasta.' I just don't have five platefuls. I've always been a red-meat eater. I try to eat a little less and be aware."

Terrance Howard:

The Oscar nominee, 37, describes himself as "extra-medium maintenance."
Sweat equity: He's up at 4:30 doing 500 push-ups, 1,000 sit-ups and a three-mile run before taking his three kids to school.
Sacrificed for art: Shoulder-length hair.
Man pampering: Regular manicures plus spa weekends "with a number of massages. That's when I allow myself to be high-maintenance."

Danica Patrick:

In 2005 the 5'2" IndyCar Rookie of the Year, 24, led the Indianapolis 500 for 19 laps – a first for a female driver. And there's buzz about an even better showing at Indy this month. Still, racing can get bumpy. "You sweat so much," Patrick says. "We have a helmet and this head sock; the sun's on you. The skin takes a beating. I do MicroDermabrasion every month. And facials – they hurt so good."

Ziyi Zhang:

Although her latest role in Memoirs of a Geisha required hours of heavy makeup, Zhang, 27, prefers a more minimal approach: "I like a natural and clean look. Having makeup on, I cannot recognize myself. It changes my feelings in my heart."

Who do I say is the most BeAuTiFuL person in the history of the ENTIRE UNIVERSE???

Hmmmmm...good question. If we're talking about this list, I'd have to say Beyonce Knowles. Not only do I think she's one of the most stunning female celebrities on the exterior, but her inner strength is just as captivating. When her group, Destiny's Child was just becoming popularized with their song "Say My Name" making one of the biggest hits in 2000, Roberson and Luckett abruptly left the group that year in March by filing a lawsuit against Beyonce's father, Matthew Knowles. Despite all the betrayal, hurt, bad media attention and scandals Destiny's Child received as a result, Beyonce was able to hold her head up high and keep the group together for another five years. Talk about 110% girl power right there! Fully aware that she has many amazing qualities going for herself, she is also incredibly modest.

"I’ve worked hard and I deserve everything I have. I never thought I’d have so much money. I just wanted to be financially stable and it embarrasses me and I don’t feel comfortable talking or thinking about it. I don’t know exactly how much I have but I don’t buy much," she says.

Her intelligence, poise, honesty and maturity are qualities that also enhance her unique image.

Now in terms of who I see as the most BEAUTIFUL person currently involved in my life, I'd have to say my mom. Without her consistent belief in me and her positive influence becoming a part of who I am today, there is no doubt in my mind I wouldn't be as proud of who I have become today. For it is in the wise words of her morals, values and beliefs she has instilled in me while I was growing up that I am constantly reminded how lucky I am that the probability of ending up with a good parent was always on my side (something that millions of people out there probably wished they could have had but never did).

SINGLE, SEXY and STEPPING UP THOSE STANDARDS a notch (how the recently "ex'd" 'ought to be from now on)

Mon, 26 Jun 2006 14:01:26 GMT

One of the biggest and most classic mistakes women probably make after a cute fling or a breakup is set themselves up on the rebound. It's like once reality gives some of us a slap in the face to tell us we're single we make a desperate attempt to attack back, proving we can get any guy we please. Even if this means flirting with strange men at the local 7 Eleven store (which, I'll have you know, is totally revolting. like EEEEEeeeewww, must we even go there ladies??? I mean, how desperate can we really be?). If not for that reason, we fill the void of feeling outrageously lonesome by grumbling widly about in our pjs, eating ridiculous amounts of ice cream, binge drinking or crawling under thick bed sheets and waiting there to die alone. And as much as all of us may need this at times, I'm beginning to wonder if getting over some guys is worth all that fuss. For instance, as certain experiences with boys pretending to be men has taught us, most can and will be REAL jerks. Perverts, stalkers, alcoholics, druggies, sex addicts, thieves, liars, gangsters, absentees, gamblers, whiners, jealous types, players, cheaters, verbal abusers, workaholics, guys who love women as punch bags ...the list is pretty much endless from there. And what's worse is many of us choose to believe that there isn't anyone else better to be with. That perhaps because most guys are jerks there is a slim chance the next guy to catch our eye will be any less painless (which is why we may choose to work things out to the very end). But just think of how hateful we're being to ourselves in the process. Unhealthy, longterm relationships such as these will turn the days we spend with these creeps into weeks, weeks into months, and sometimes months into years. All this time we share with people that don't truly love/care/respect who we are as women is time we'll NEVER be able to regain that true sense of happiness we should have deserved while we were with them, right from the start. And who's to say that in that stretch of time we wasted with Mr. creep heads we could have ended up with our prince charmings. Incredible odds, but optimistically speaking, I swear it can happen.

Whatever the reason was that one of your past dating relationships had to come to an abrupt and sad end, there's no reason to cry endlessly over someone so downright cruel and insensitive. Sure, give yourself time to heal and yes, it's definitely okay to cry your feelings out till your eyes run out of tears (you've been hurt so badly and need quality time to vent). But please, DON'T do so FOREVER! Remember, the more time you spend dwelling over the negative feelings of the past, is time you will NEVER regain that happiness you are so worthy of having. Not only that, but by doing so you're only giving the guy the power to control your emotions once again. Definitely a no no for what we're striving for here.

I think that if us girls were to step back for a second and think about what qualities we don't want in guys more than what qualities we often fantasize about, we can set much higher standards for ourselves. Fantasizing over good looks, magnetic charm, cute butts, infectious smiles, sexy voices, etc. is all great fun (okay I'll be honest, "DANGEROUSLY delicious" fun...hehe) but in some ways I think these aspects can blind us towards seeing the true colours of someone's personality. Let's face it...it's sooooo so easy to get caught up in the moment of infatuation that we often ignore the "signs" of what may not be suitable for us in a serious and long lasting relationship. Because we like or love the person soooo much, we're willing to sacrifice a lot of things for them without really using our heads. Because we only believe what we choose to believe, we sometimes cut them too much slack, make up excuses for them, sometimes even lie for them. Well no more I say!! It's time we take matters into our own hands for a change and let guys know that if they're wanting to score a hot date with us they're going to have to earn it first. No matter how flattering their typical pick up lines may be, we have to show them that we can stand our ground with class. Perhaps if we are to give off the impression that we strongly respect ourselves, they will respect us also. And maybe, just maybeeee they'll come to understand that we wouldn't settle for any less (fingers crossed that all guys won't be scarecrows when it comes to this one. Who's with me on this lil' theory I have so far? Any thoughts you'd like to add?

~The*Dear~Abby*Double~